I seem to have left my pride at pride
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
