She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
