Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Randomize
