farters have to be the big spoon...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
