Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize