Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
