i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
