GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
