There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
