rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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