Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
