Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
