buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
