someone threw a dead crab at me
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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