have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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