I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
