no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
