Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
