Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
only you would photoshop your dick
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
