your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
