maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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