I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
