my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
