i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
