Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
