I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
