Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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