he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
