Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
