she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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