I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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