I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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