what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
