I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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