I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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