Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
