I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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