the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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