Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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