my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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