I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
