Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
