; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
