Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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