the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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