we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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