She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
