All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
