Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
