If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
