She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
