he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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