Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
